SEASON 1 EPISODE 5
THIS IS IT:
It is very strange how
when I first saw this episode in August 2001 I saw nothing strange or odd about
it or David Brent’s
actions. The reality is that The Office tapped into
something so tight, so sharp that the portrayal of these people was actually a
truly acute perception. What Brent was
doing was only a subtle exaggeration of what my bosses were doing. This is the penultimate episode of the first
season. It comes after Tim (the hero)
has revealed his feelings for Dawn (put them out
there), fallen on his face and in a moment of clarity seen the job for what it
is and decided to return to education and better himself. The first thing seen is Tim (Martin Freeman) speaking
to the camera updating the audience on developments and his decision. He expresses in the manner of a moment of
clarity, a potential rebirth and awakening.
He wants to study psychology which Gareth (Mackenzie Crook) mocks
with “what do you want to be a psychologist for? They’re all mad themselves”. And with this Tim is asked to guess what
Gareth is thinking which, as it turns out, is “will there ever be a boy born
that can swim faster than a shark”.
Elsewhere tensions continue to brew as Donna (Sally Bretton) arrives late to the
office (midday ) causing
Gareth to feel affronted and his seniority/authority not respected. With this Brent makes his first appearance of
the episode. The girl is currently
lodging at his house so entrusted to him by her parents he enters into jargon
to castigate her. Having stayed out all
night he feels further affronted by her disrespect while awkwardly attempting
to be cool. Then further upping the
issue it transpires she was staying with somebody in the office. Switching lanes Brent begins telling the
camera how he is getting a secretary.
The two lucky candidates are Stewart Foot (played by Robin Ince) and Karen Roper (played by Nicola Cotter). Staring intently at the lady he expresses
words of equality while not giving the man the merest hint of glance. And with this he wishes them both good luck
(“you’ll do well to impress me”). For
the files he takes a photo (“a snapshot”) with a Polaroid camera handed to him
by (grabbed from) Dawn (Lucy Davis). On cue he bends down and frames a shot to
capture her “lovely smile”. Then without
even looking he snaps a shot of Stuart as an afterthought. At this point Dawn states “we’re doing him
first” as Brent responds “yeah, lets get him out the way”. The interview with Stuart Foot proves a
stilted stand off made up of mostly silence.
For extended spell of discomfort the only words uttered are “Stuart
Foot” by Brent as he sits smiling unintentionally like a psychopath. Its not purposely sinister, he’s just
distracted and excited by the other applicant.
At this point Stuart looks around the office and spots a quote on the
wall: “money don’t make my world go round, I’m reachin’ out to a higher
ground”. He asks Brent what it is who
recounts the words as he asks, “was that a philosopher” as it is confirmed it
was Des’ree. “The singer?”
With this Brent offers up a rendition of the song complete with tapping
a drumbeat onto the desk. This now being
the most surreal of job interviews Foot attempts to cut in and steer things
back to business at which point Brent points at him to hold as he continues the
song. Then without missing a beat Brent
asks “why do you want to work here?
Shoot!” At this point we cut to
Brent doing a talking head explaining why he’s interviewing for a secretary
today questioning the bosses above for suggesting cut backs and losing stuff
(“who’s to say hiring staff won’t save money in the long run”). To further support his mentality/decision he
offers “does a struggling salesman start turning up on a bicycle? No, he turns up in a newer car. Perception, yeah? They (pointing at his office) gotta trust me,
I’m taking these guys into battle. And
I’m doing me own stapling. A sergeant
major spends all his time training his men to be killers, he doesn’t polish his
own boots. Erm, he probably does polish
his own boots but, you know, it doesn’t mean I have to do my own filing”. Next the second interview with Karen Roper
begins as Brent moves the applicant’s seat next to his desk. Filmed from a distance through the blinds he
can be seen rubbing the aftershave sample of a GQ magazine advert onto his wrist and
neck before briefly practising his interview technique poses. Then when Karen is finally led into the
office by Dawn, Brent is sat on the corner of the desk with his leg spread
dangling in playful fashion coupled with a scary greeting grin. With this he reaches out and says “let’s get
you sat down” as she looks in the normal place for a chair but he points her to
the one closer to his desk (“no, I’ve got one over here ready”). His voice has changed from the last
interview, it is warmer. “Right, the
interview”. He picks up her CV from a pile behind
him and begins running through it (“just lookin’at this, checkin’ it
out”). Then following the observation “good”,
he states “tell me about yourself”. She
begins explaining she did GCSEs
and A Levels at
which point Brent cuts in and says, “too boring, tell me about yourself”. Now taking a different angle she states
interest in films and music prompting Brent to point at his Des’ree quote on
the wall to which she has no familiarity/recollection. At this point he places her CV on the floor
and sits back. With this she continues
explaining how last year she took a year out and went travelling while he
continues to sit back seemingly captivated.
When she says she went exploring he chips in with “exploring
yourself”. Offering the detail it was in
Asia he casually enquires
“with your boyfriend or just by yourself?”
At this point, seemingly with this knowledge, he waves his hand like a
snake and declares “you’ve charmed me” and tells her she’s got the job. Prematurely he goes through the details
telling her to work out her notice as he’ll give her a month’s probation to see
if it clicks but that will be a mere formality.
At this point he asks if she will be off out tonight to celebrate. To this she says yes, mentioning a place
called The Chasers. Immediately Brent
pips up saying he “don’t believe it” as if she sees “three debauched drunkards
to keep away from us” as it turns out that will be where he’ll also be. On cue he insists she come over when she sees
them as “the drinks will be on me, in me” as he pats his belly. Then he asks what time she will “cruise down
there”. Now backtracking she states that
her going is not definite as he insists she does before asking “what’s your
tipple? Vodka and Coke.
And with this detail without prompting Brent runs through favourites of
his colleagues (“me: later. Finchy: lager. Gareth: sometimes lager, sometimes cider. So, different drinks for different
needs”). And with this the interview
ends as he extends his hand and when she leans in he attempts to kiss naturally
causing her to recoil. The camera then
aims direct a beaming Brent incredibly happy with his choice. Changing lanes the camera cuts to the
staffroom with Tim and Keith (Ewan MacIntosh) in the
staffroom taking a break. Keith comments
“so you’ve resigned then” adding “you embarrassed yourself and all, asking Dawn
out” which he denies (“as a friend”) as Keith remains dour and dismissive. From here, things cut to Gareth approaching
Donna sat at her desk cross-armed scowling.
Sitting on the corner of her desk he lands on some stationery (“who left
that there?”) informing her that there is going to be a health and
safety seminar that he would “love you to attend” before adding that it’s
compulsory (“but let’s not say it won’t be fun, I like to inject my own sense
of fun into the proceedings”). And with that,
it is set for 2PM in the
meeting room. Returning to the staffroom
Keith remains sat staring into space observing.
Struggling to conjure conversation he asks Tim what he watched on telly last
night to which he responds he didn’t, he watched a video as without registering
this detail Keith states he watched “that Peak Practice” before
complaining that it was a bloody repeat to which Tim states the obvious how
that was annoying at which point Keith responds with the nonsensical “not for
me, hadn’t seen it” prompting one of Tim’s classic looks/expressions of
disbelief. Keith then continues “boring
isn’t it, just staying in watching Peak Practice with your
life. Not for me, I like it”. And at this point as Keith raises a huge deviled egg to his mouth
Tim rebels “not for me, I just stayed in and had a big wank” as a few seconds
later in a delayed reaction the comment registers on Keith’s face. Returning to reception Karen is filling out a
form with Dawn as Brent hovers before heading over dribbling a football eventually pretending
to kick it at her prompting her to flinch.
At this point he declares “I bloody love football” before pretending the
reception is a bar and recounting their drinks preferences. As he plays with the ball he comments “oh the
dreaded form” casually dropping in “does it say whether married or
single?” At this point he says she can
bring her boyfriend down (to Chasers) tonight at which point she says she
doesn’t have one and he trips trying to do a trick on the ball but accidentally
head butts her. “Sorry, sorry, that is a
man’s game. That is, that
is….accidental”. Again going back to the
staffroom Tim remains flicking through a magazine in bored fashion seemingly
looking to keep out the way. At this
point Dawn brings her lunch in as an awkward moment occurs as she says
uncomfortably “we should go for a drink.
You, me and Lee”, “Yeah, the three of us” just to confirm that the
comment is strictly platonic. Holding
his own Tim comments “I can probably get someone to come along”. And with this things are set for the “next
few weeks” as things resume being silent and awkward. Cutting through the atmosphere Gareth enters
with his own lunch as Tim greets him in a friendlier fashion than usual even
referring to him as “Garedeo” and asking “how are you mate?” Naturally taken aback by the reception he
soon realises the situation and clumsily asks “you weren’t trying to get off
with her, were you?” From here, we cut
to “Health & Safety Training With Gareth Keenan” (“that’s me”). The only person on the course is Donna and
she looks suitably unimpressed sat with her arms crossed. He begins stating “there are many hidden
dangers in the workspace and today we’re gonna find out what those dangers are,
together”. It starts with the example of
the workstation. Picking up a yellow mug
he asks to imagine that it is full of hot coffee as they proceed to “play a
little fun game”. With this Gareth
meanders stating that he “likes to have a bit of fun when teaching people, in
fact he likes to have a laugh most of the time both in and out work” as going
completely off topic he mentions that a few of them are going out tonight as
Donna snaps back asking if they can crack on.
The game involves Gareth simulating where to and where not to place the
mug at a workstation asking Donna to shout out “safe” or “dangerous” at each
example. The first place is on top of a
computer monitor. Then the second place
is the opposite corner of the monitor.
And asking “what have we learned there?” she responds “don’t pour coffee
over the computer” to which he adds “any fluid”. With this the camera cuts a latest awkward
exchange at reception desk as Tim drops off some post to Dawn as she enquires
whether he’s had a “good morning or bad morning”. He laughs and says he’s “had a bit of a mad
one” before cutting things short and walking off leaving her to look on feeling
counter rejected. Back at the health and
safety training Gareth is showing the “correct way and incorrect way to lift
stuff”. It is all about keeping the back
straight and bending the knees. Donna
knows this, we all know this. Picking up
a box he shows her how to do it then asks her to do it. She responds saying she’s fine but he insists
saying that he hasn’t to tick a box. She
does it (“same on the way down as on the way up”). Having lifted the box several times Gareth
wraps up the session saying if she has any questions or wants to talk he is available
as he reaches out to touch her and she flinches. Then as he enters into the gossip of her
having slept with Jack and the mistake attached she cuts things to an end
exiting annoyed but not before Gareth states “just checking whether you’re
going to be sleeping with him or spreading it around”. Now finished and speaking aloud but not
addressing the camera Gareth states “excellent pupil, fast learner”. He gives her an A showing the result on his
clipboard to the camera. Back at his
desk Gareth remains a hawk and in the zone.
When Ricky asks him where some paperwork needs to be filed he first
insists on finishing an email before stating “I don’t know”. With this he watches Donna trying to get down
to the bottom as to who in the office she is having a relationship with. Then discussing the subject with Brent he
offers “it’s not as if she’s your daughter” as he responds it was about
principle and respect “and while she’s under my roof she will obey my
laws”. Unhelpfully Gareth states “she’s
legal though” before adding “when cherries are red they’re ready for plucking,
when girls are sixteen they’re…..” at which point exasperated Brent cuts him
off. “You’ve heard that one then”. Then continues asking “are you going to fire
the person she’s slept with?” to which he naturally responds “it’s a free
country, I can’t do anything about it” even though he would clearly like
to. He adds “I won’t look on him
favourably, lets that put it that way” as the perverted mind of Gareth further
interjects with “or her, could be a girl” to which Brent shakes his head and
says “she’s not a lesbian Gareth” adding “I think I’d know if a woman living
under my roof liked to roll around with other women” prompting silence and
contemplation from Gareth. On the scene
now arrives Chris Finch,
Finchy. Immediately he is regaling tales
of previous nights at The Chasers (“spoke to you at 5, get the call at 6 from
the lads, drinks at 8 in The Chasers, spare bird going. So I get there and she’s aged 19 with a
Ferrari chasse, fantastic set of shelves and legs up to her arse”). As this anecdote is being delivered both
Brent and Gareth lap it snorting while Tim recoils. It gets worse as he tells how his “mate’s
bird” then shares their cab home as eventually “both of them get their laughing
gear around the ol’ single barrelled pump action yoghurt ride” which Brent
helpfully points out refers to “his knob”.
And the story doesn’t end there as off the back of two hours sleep today
he bumps into his mate (“whose bird I’ve done”) and sold him two tonnes of
white paper. He mate then comments, “you
look knackered” as Finchy (Ralph
Ineson) thinks “yeah and you look like you’ve had a Pot Noodle and a wank”. To this he adds he seeing the both of them
again tomorrow night as Brent makes sure the man will still be out tonight “for
a Wednesday night razz”. Of course he is
as he turns to Tim and asks “you coming Jobless?” as he responds “yes, if only
for the conversation”. Oblivious to the
barb Brent repeats the “Pot Noodle and
wank” line continuing to giggle. The
documentary cuts to Tim talking to camera seemingly speaking whimsically of Slough. He says he doesn’t know where they’re going
tonight stating “obviously Finchy’s a sophisticated guy and Gareth’s a culture
vulture. So will it be opera, ballet, I
don’t know. I know the RSC’s in town. But having said that, at Chasers its Hooch for a pound and wonderbras get in free night
tonight so I don’t know, its exciting”. Inevitably,
the camera cuts to the nightclub
that is Chasers. In it various patrons
mug for camera before things cut to Finchy heading to the bar before he begins
speaking to a group of ladies at the bar including Lorna (played by Tiffany Stevenson). Finchy tries some lines introducing Brent as
Sir David of Brent before stating the only knighthood is on the one he has on
his knob as Brent then Gareth step all over the line with condom references
(“condoms come in all different flavours now, there’s strawberry and curry and
that”). Tim then asks one of the ladies
“do you like curry?” Meanwhile Tim is
trying to squeeze his way through the club looking somewhat out of
place. Back at the bar asking what their
names are (Lorna, Lindsey and Heather) as Finchy steers towards Lorna (“and
very nice to meet you”) as Brent desperately states “nice to meet all of you,
anyone’s fine”. From here things move
onto the dance floor where with the DJ playing Kylie
Minogue, Finchy dances with two blonde ladies while Brent now visibly worse
for wear (via his hair being ruffled) gestures to the camera while holding a
pint of beer. This is a gesture seen on
a regular basis at every club
everywhere. In calmer fashion Tim dances
nonchalantly while Gareth just stands playing it cool surveying the scene
seemingly getting ready to pounce. Back
at the bar Brent comments on what a nice shirt Finch is wearing as a lady bends
down to pick up something and he comments “while you’re down there love”
prompting Brent into hysterics as Finchy adds “you know what they say, one up
the bum no harm done” as Brent continues to laughing maniacally causing Finchy
to ask “you not heard that one before?”
He has but he’s just playing along, flattering to deceive in the hope of
ascension. Then Finch spots Donna across
the bar and states “Christ, that’ll do” making a “you can sit on my face”
comment which Brent laughs at until he realises who the comments are directed
to. At this point he becomes very
serious with “not her, don’t, please she’s staying with me. Her dad will kill me”. To this Finch states “you lucky bastard” as
he continues shouting across the bar with Brent pleading “don’t, do it to other
girls, that’s fine, please”. Back on the
dance floor the prowling, Gareth remains hawk-like as suddenly a biker woman
bumps into him and begins dancing with him.
With this his voice is heard over the footage stating “yeah we go there
every Wednesday night. And it’s a fun
place but it’s full of loose women. And
my only problem with that is venereal disease, which is disabilitating. Especially for a soldier” as he points at
himself. “And it’s irresponsible to the
rest of your unit as well” before giving off an example of how during a battle it’s
meant someone using up all the penicillin (“Mark Paxton,
he’s got knob rot off some tart”). However,
as “Ebeneezer Goode”
by The Shamen kicks in
he doesn’t seem so concerned, not least, as she begins to kiss him. Back to Brent and now very drunk he spots
Karen, now sporting a black eye, as he goes up to her and states “don’t worry I
haven’t got any balls” before reciting her drink of choice (“Vodka and Coke,
remembered”). He asks her if she
remembers what’s his (“pint of lager”) as conversation ends and he takes a
swig. Elsewhere with the “Macarena” by Los Del Rio playing in
the background Gareth continues to make out with the dark dressed woman. With this he notices a man sat by them
watching who he exchanges a nod with.
Experiencing less success with his charm things cut back to Brent
drunkenly telling Karen about the redundancies fears at the office but how he
is putting his neck on the line for his staff when they don’t want him to risk
his own position (“but they bend over backwards for me and not because they’re
scared of me but because they love me and I love them. And you’ll grow to love me as well”). Then he makes a latest clumsy lurid sexual
reference before doing than drunken slip off to space. Finch meanwhile is talking intimately with
Donna before Ricky from the office arrives and begins kissing her revealing
himself to be who she has been sleeping with.
This gets spotted by Gareth and Bent who with resignation responds
“yeah, yeah, yeah” to the revelation. A
quick cut later Brent is asking the biker woman Gareth is with what she rides
(“a Matchless 500”). He’s cramping Gareth’s successful style. Returning to Tim talking back at the office he
comments “Slough ’s nightlife is incredible. It’s got two nightclubs: Chasers and New York New York Hampton Court
IS IT ANY GOOD:
Yes, it is very
good. On so many levels and subjects it
nails the office relationship experience, the places where it can lead and the
minefield it often inhabits.
REALITY CROSSOVER:
When I was working at Chernobyl
despite being a full department often scratching around for work the firm still
took on an additional female member of stuff.
I cannot remember her name, just that she was posh speaking and would
say the word "crikey" quite a lot and thus we christened her
Crikey. Also during my tenure at Butt Road
(especially the beginning of 2003), I would find myself out with work
colleagues which was never a smart idea.
Additionally the character Stewart Foot has come to represent a
character very close to my heart when it comes to job application and the
interview process.
WHAT IT TAUGHT ME:
That managers and
bosses are not necessarily always motivated by the right reasons and attributes
when hiring personnel. In addition, it
confirms how socialising with work colleagues (particularly management) is a
very bad idea. Finally highlighting the
politics of job interviews and application it helped make me realise the
process is tainted and rarely within the hands of the applicant.
WHY IT IS IMPORTANT:
It exposes the tainted
manner of the hiring process. In
addition, it shines a light on what it is like to be in a nightclub with work
colleagues exposing the horrific sobering reality.
EXTERNAL REFERENCES:
John Betjeman and Des’ree.
BEST LINES:
“Will there ever be a
boy born that can swim faster than a shark?”
BEST JOKES:
Gervais as the drunken Brent in the
nightclub is a masterclass of observational comedy.
PERIPHERAL MOMENTS:
All the gooning locals
in Chasers nightclub and the crap but typical song selections to go with.
MVP:
David Brent.
GUEST APPEARANCES:
Robin Ince as Stewart Foot, Nicola Cotter as
Karen Roper and Tiffany Stevenson as
Lorna.
EPISODE LINKS:
There is constant
reference to Tim propositioning Dawn in the previous episode “Training”.
OTHER:
This episode is one of
the most cringing of the series. Perhaps
the truest example of an office behaving at its worst.
FINAL WORDS:
This is why we are
single.
